Test…Anxiety?

Boy! A lot has happened since my last post on the enjoyment of life, which is the reason why I haven’t posted anything since then.

I’m currently on Day 34 of the Daniel Plan and I have been strengthened physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I’ve built spiritual muscle and felt my relationship with God grow closer. But just when I began to grow stronger in the Lord and rely on Him for guidance, when I began sharing my testimony of how He pulled me through a storm, how calm and serene my life had become after that storm….I was hit with a test. A challenging one at that. I was reminded that I can’t just cruise through life and demand that God continue to provide for me and not expect Him to continue to mold me through tough times. I learned that spiritual muscle is especially built when we go through tests.

But can I actually still praise Him, worship Him, and trust in Him through hard times? I knew I can. But I was never tested on that.

So, I learned on Monday that I had a series of decisions that I had to make by today (Friday) that would eventually affect my future: deciding whether to pursue a higher education, whether I should leave my career as a teacher to pursue other career goals, looking for a new place to call home, deciding whether to move closer to family and friends in Miami, Florida or continue to live in Houston, Texas, the city where I’ve grown to love and have built personal and professional relationships……and I made the mistake of trying to handle all those decisions on my own. I really didn’t think those decisions were hard to make. I really thought it was simple. I mean, I know how I want my future to look. I know what I need to do to accomplish my goals. I know about my hopes, dreams, and aspirations, right?!

I’m guessing you can figure out what happened to me.

I was drained. Mentally drained.

And then I became overwhelmed. And had knots in my chest. And started to lose sleep.

Shame. On. Me.

The thing about it is…I continued on with the Daniel Plan, I continued praying, I continued reading His Word…and I still tried to handle everything on my own, even when I knew that He could take care of those decisions for me. He can carry all my burdens. He knows what’s best for me. He already has a plan for me. Philippians 4:6-7 says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (NIV). After I got out of my feelings and cocky attitude, I realized that I can take that load of decisions and give it to Him and just let Him reveal His plan to me.

I believe He wanted to show me how to rely on Him even through a series of tests, how I can still praise and glorify His name throughout that trial. I thought I could handle it on my own. I thought it was no big deal. I didn’t have to go to God for small and simple situations like that, right? WRONG. He broke me down and taught me to cast ALL my problems, concerns, situations, and decisions unto Him.

I knew I wanted to go all in for Christ but I didn’t know what that actually looked like, but He finally gave me a lesson on how to surrender ALL to Him.

 

Categories: Lifestyle, Spiritual

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